Love Thy Neighbor as...Mr. Stokes

Sgt. Harmon F. Stokes , 83

Harmon F. Stokes, 83, passed from this life suddenly last Wednesday in his home and was laid to rest surrounded by his friends and family today. Harmon was a Sargent in the US Army, serving in both the Korean and Vietnam conflicts, and retiring with 45 years of military and civil service.


If that was the end of the story, most people would generally say something like, "how sad, I'm so sorry," "he lived a full life," or "he is at rest now." These would all be true but they don't represent the greater story. I can only share the special stories that I know and the memories of his character I heard echoed in today's service. This story also captures a glimpse of why I am a public servant and why I answered a calling to "do good stuff," as the late Mike Canty used to describe it.


My first memories of Mr. Stokes go back about 12 years, to the first neighborhood I ever worked in - historic Aberdeen Gardens. I was 21 years old and was just learning about youth leadership development and community organizing. I hadn't organized a group in my life and in Aberdeen I was responsible for leading the youth initiatives for this prominent and established community. I was taking this role over from someone else without any training or transition. I was even a bit apprehensive concerning my welcome into this group I knew little about. I realize now that I was also facing my own fears regarding my cultural, generational, and social perspectives. Despite these internal struggles of an introverted organizer, one warm smile and a firm handshake wiped them far away, that of Mr. Stokes.

Historic Aberdeen Gardens in Hampton, Virginia

I still remember how I'd call on him to open up the Aberdeen Museum for me, a restored home in the neighborhood that served as a central meeting place for the 5 youth that participated in the youth group. Mr. Stokes was always there with a smile to open up the building. The youth group wouldn't be me greatest success thus far in my career and I remember on more than one occasion being the only one at the museum. Then along came Mr. Stokes, waiting there with me, taking time out of his day to check in on me, learning about my family, college classes i was taking, and just doing what he could to make feel apart of the community. At every Aberdeen breakfast or event I always looked for Mr. Stokes, because his smiling welcome always made me feel like I belonged in Aberdeen. The last time I talked to Mr. Stokes he asked, as he always did, how my "lovely wife" and "those little ones" were doing.


From those first years in Aberdeen, my heart was bound to that special community in a unique way. I saw something in Mr. Stokes and the many other Aberdeeners I have come to know and love. I learned that your neighbor is more than the resident in the house that is next to your, the one that just lives near you. A truly good neighbor is one that is "near." They near enough to ask about your day, near enough to lend a hand, near enough to cheer you up with a "hello," near enough to look out for you, near enough to make you feel at home, and near enough mourn and lift you up when things are tough.

The Aberdeen Gardens Museum, Mary Peake Blvd

Mr. Stokes had the special ability to make you feel like the most important person to him at that time. He knew how to give, and he knew how to serve. His strong and protective nature made you feel honored to have him on your side. I can unashamedly say they he is on a short list of reasons why I continue in public service. After struggling with some random bureaucratic challenge, all I had to do was to get a call or visit from Mr. Stokes, and I would remember instantly why I chose this field - to help good people like him, "do good stuff."


The faith and love of Christ from Mr. Stokes doesn't make this day bitter in the least, because I know I will see my brother in Christ from Aberdeen one day soon. Yes, it is a bit sad that others won't be able to be blessed by such an example as Mr. Stokes. I do know he lived a much fuller life than I will ever have a chance to ask him about. I also know that he is walking the streets of heaven with his dear wife and I can only hope that I have home in heaven with Mr. Stokes as my neighbor. Until then, may I be the neighbor to others that he was to me. Even though we lived miles apart he was always be my good neighbor.